You Are Not a Freak

Knowing the Facts About the Third Nipple

Dr. Dave G. Jones, Ph.D. (Honorary)

Having three nipples is not as uncommon as one might think. A recent study (ref. 1) on the Nerple Trilactis (commonly referred to as the Triple Nipple) shows that over 82% of females, ages 18-25, may not even know if they have a third nipple. This is not a surprising statistic. It is difficult to verify the existence of a third nipple without knowledge of the professional examination procedures. I have spent countless hours in my studies analyzing and perfecting these deduction methods, and consider myself an expert in the field.

Let Dr. Dave Examine Your Breasts

I have teamed up with my friends Diojee to offer my professional services to you, free of charge. I will be conducting examinations during each show as a promotional effort for my firm. Each 16 minute examination will be thorough and professional. With my patented examination techniques, you can be assured that I will leave no part of the breast untouched. All females are welcome to participate, but please limit it to no more than 3 examinations per night. Anything beyond that would be redundant. Unless you're blonde.

What If I Have 3 Nipples?

Have no fear, the doctor is here. My clipboard contains an outrageous amount of papers and forms, checklists and important documents. It will blow your mind. Many of my patients say, "Dr. Dave, do you really need so many papers on your clipboard?" "Don't worry," I'll say, "it's all technical."

Fun Facts About Triple Nipples (ref. 2)

Did you know that nearly 100% of all third nipples are on your chest near the real nipples? Did you also know that third nipples on females rarely produce milk? Of course you didn't! That's because only professionals know that. Professionals like myself. But I'm not here to bore you with medical facts and technical jargon, I'm just here to see your breasts. So watch for Dr. Dave at each Diojee show, and be sure to sign up for your free examination! And remember, to save time, leave the bra at home.

References

1. The Female Breast in Early Adulthood, Doctors J. and J., 2002.
2. Breast Statistics, Volume 3, Doctors J. and J., 2002.